Sleepless In Central Oregon
January 13th, 2011
On nights like I had last night I often wonder if I would have been better off never having gone to bed at all. Despite my best efforts to fall asleep and stay asleep I was apparently not meant to get any rest. If it wasn’t the baby waking long enough to fuss and go back to sleep, waking me only minutes after falling asleep in the process, it was the strong gusts of wind blowing something around on the deck outside my window or the cat outside brawling with a feline intruder. Certainly it would have been far less frustrating to just have stayed awake.
The real problem with nights like these is the dread of the morning that follows. Not just because I know I’ll be dragging myself out of bed at the baby’s first cry (or maybe second or third), but also because I know I will be struggling through the day with little patience, high irritability and a short temper. To say that I don’t do well with too little sleep would be the understatement of the century!
Today went, purely by the grace of God, pretty smooth as days following a sleepless night go. More often than not, though, at the end of the day I look back and feel like the worst mom in the whole world. My heart feels so heavy for my children, especially my eldest, who, too often, bears far too much of the brunt of my irritability and short temper. I am often ashamed of the way I have reacted to situations and interacted with my children. It is for these reasons that I dread a day following a sleepless night.
Yet, in the midst of the guilt and shame I am reminded of scriptures that have been chiseled into my mind through years of being exposed to God’s word. Passages like “My grace is sufficient for you” and “My power is made perfect in weakness” and most especially “there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” In that moment of remembering I know I can put that day aside, leave the guilt and shame behind and look on to the hope of a better day tomorrow.
Though I, most of the time, set the bar impossibly high for myself I know I’m not perfect. I think learning to extend grace to others as well as myself is one of the hardest lessons I am having to learn. If there is one thing I would want to say to other mothers who feel overwhelmed by the day to day, and like they are constantly falling short it’s those things that God has already said: His grace is sufficient for you, His power is made perfect in your weakness and He doesn’t, nor will He ever condemn you just because you had a bad day. Even a day following a sleepless night.
Father, I love you! I love how perfectly you love me! Please let your grace fall on me tonight and the day that follows. Let your power be made perfect in my weakness; and we both know there is a ton of room for your power. Let me not walk in condemnation but in the freedom of your forgiveness!
Gotta love some comic relief! Too bad us stay at home moms don't have the "call in sick" option.
